Spoof of My Gardening Importance

I grew up in humble beginnings. I lived in a track house in southern California. I was a goodly child born in 1955.

I grew up with a strong desire to play in the yard until I sat in an ant pile under a shaded tree. Thank God, my mother rescued me.

My brother and I would mow and trim yards for $5.00 at  a young age. We were so prosperous in that we were always busy due to the cheap price. We even made money weeding out flower beds for old folks.

Years later...much later I discovered that something was growing among some old cardboard boxes. I said to myself, "Self, I wonder if I could grow in cardboard?

It was then that cardboard gardening started. I have helped many folks in the inner city that are now growing delicious  food out of cardboard boxes. Someday a monument of cardboard boxes will be erected to memorialize my importance to the cardboard movement.

Due to the short supply of cardboard boxes, I have enclosed a map showing you the locations where you can still get your cardboard boxes. They now cost about $3.00 a piece due their short supply, but they are still cheaper than straw bales.

I hope this map is useful. It shows locations where you can get your cardboard boxes. The red dots show you the places that are temporarily out of boxes. 

I have shipping boxes left over from my garden this year. I will be happy to sell them to you for $5.00 a piece. Shipping not included.

Years later, I discovered something new. It was was like a thought fell from the sky and hit me on my head. Plants grow in leaves. So I started the leaf bale society of master gardeners (two members). Many people use to burn their leaves, but thanks to me, they now garden with them. Call me sometime and I'll rake up your leaves for free and then sell them back to you in a plastic bag. I charge nothing for raking, but I do charge 6 dollars for a bag of leaves.

I hope you have gotten to know me better by my fictitious account of my fame. LOL! Seriously, I do call my type of gardening, "The Hay Bale Revolution."  Why? I am revolting against those who think you can only grow in straw bales that cost from 5-10 dollars a piece. That's crazy pricing. And straw bales that we can buy gives us no clues to their history. Have they been organically grown? Are they loaded with pesticides or fire retardant? 

Yes, truly I am revolting against the merchandising of straw bales that say these golden shafts of wheat should be exclusively used for bale gardening excellence. Also I had a straw bale gardener author posting bad reviews on my books like he was a reader without any ulterior motives. I had most of his reviews removed but I suspect other reviews are from him or his family when they say things like, "I thought I was getting a book on straw bale gardening?" Or, "Zoro way of gardening is weedy." What can I say, I dislike the guy and his pernicious ways. He even promotes his own books by acting like he's a customer and posting in his review section.

People should not take their gardening too seriously. We need each other. Each person is unique and has a different take on gardening. We can learn from each other. Anyone that can improve their property with beauty and food is a success and deserves the title, "Master Gardener."  I salute you in all your gardening ways. Thanks for making our world a better and more beautiful place to live in.